Romney/Ryan: An American Horror Story

Okay, I have to chime in here on politics. Four years ago, I had more fun than should be legal, and I owed it all to the uninformed and multi-weaponed Sarah "Moosehead" Palin. Sarah not only packed a lot of heat, she also packed binders filled with women unintelligable comments that became fodder not only for late night comics, but for bloggers and tweeters worldwide.

Unfortunately, this election isn't nearly as funny. In fact, it's downright sobering. And I'm not a huge fan of sober. 

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan would be a disaster for this country. 

Here's why:

Not only would they deceive the American people by pulling bullshit stunts like showing up at a soup kitchen to clean a few dishes for a photo op, but they would deceive us by pretending to be for women, for the middle class, and for the environment, all the while formulating policy to the contrary.

FOR EXAMPLE: They would incorporate anti-woman policies (Romney is committed to overturning Roe v Wade, and Ryan is against abortion EVEN in cases of rape, incest, and harm to the mother. They also want to cut ALL federal funding for Planned Parenthood [see graph below]), tax cuts for the wealthy, disdain for nearly half of all Americans (Yes, 47% is nearly half, Mittens, and THAT mother-fucking math DOES add up!), and a total lack of regard for the environment. (DRILL BABY DRILL! And, global warming? Nonsense! The globe's not warming and coal's not dirty. Silly scientists!)

Then there's Romney's peculiar ability to offend foreign leaders, even on the most benign of trips. Like, England, for example. Mitt managed to insult the Mayor of London and the Prime Minister of England over his accusation they weren't prepared for the Olympics. Really, Mitt? That takes a special kind of stupid. Or is it nothing more than arrogance? And, on foreign policy, denouncing the administration about Libya before you even knew what was going on shows a complete lack of common sense and leadership. In fact, speaking out before you know what's going on regarding issues as delicate as those, can be deadly. 

It seems Romney's belief about being "above" others began early on. In high school, he was a bully, and in college a borderline criminal. Then again, maybe you think tackling someone to the ground and cutting their hair or setting lights on top of your car, pretending to be a cop, and pulling people over is batshit crazy normal. If so, I'd like to suggest ongoing psychological therapy.

And, Mitt, do you honestly think the American people don't want to see your magic underwear tax returns? Well, we do. If we have to show two years of tax returns to qualify for a mortgage, shouldn't you have to show a decade's worth when running for the office of MOST POWERFUL PERSON ON EARTH? Of course, you should, but you'd hate for us peasants to see how many hundreds of millions you've got stashed away in overseas accounts. And while we're on the subject of money, your take on the meaning of "middle class" leaves much (tens of thousands) to be desired. To you, middle class is, "Anyone making $250,000 and less." Do you have any idea how many middle class people dream of making $250,000? Approximately 100%. Again, you do the math.  (FACT: Median income for American families is $50,054). Click here for "class" breakdown.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are not in favor of marriage equality. They want to stop funding for Planned Parenthood and public broadcasting. (Poor Big Bird!) Regarding equal pay for women, Romney  says he was against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, but won't repeal it. What a douchebag tool chauvinist pig guy. How can you not believe women deserve equal pay for equal work? Great question! Maybe we should ask Paul Ryan. He stood up in congress and proudly voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

In a nutshell, Mitt Romney is a wildly wealthy businessman who will magically pull twelve million jobs out of his ass, and Paul Ryan is a career politician who is "as pro life as a person gets." They are, in no way, shape, or form, advocates for anyone besides the wealthiest of Americans, and, they are not qualified, nor do they deserve, to occupy the White House.

And, for those of you who think Obama hasn't accomplished anything in the past four years, here's a partial list of his administration's achievements: (Of course, if you're anti-gay or anti-woman, you won't appreciate some of these accomplishments. And, you are the exact racist idiots people Romney and Ryan are banking on to help them win the election.)

• Signed Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act (first act as President)
• Reversed Don't Ask Don't Tell (allowing ALL soldiers to serve openly)
• Brought troops home from Iraq
• Saved the American Auto Industry
• Signed the Affordable Health Care Act into law (allowing millions access to health care, millions more with preexisting conditions can no longer be denied health care, and those twenty-six and under may remain on their parent's health insurance)
• Killed Osama bin laden (Cue Tea Partyiers chanting, "USA! USA!")
• Passed Wall Street Reform (so we never have a collapse like we did during Bush's administration)
• Tightened sanctions on Iraq
• Passed Credit Card Reform
• Expanded Stem Cell Research

If that's not enough, here's a bigger list.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: 

The Supreme Court currently has four justices in their 70's. The next president will, more than likely, have the opportunity to appoint at least one justice to the Supreme Court. If that happens, Roe v Wade could be overturned. For those of you who are against abortion due to your religious beliefs, remember what Joe Biden, a practicing Catholic who does not personally believe in abortion, said in the Vice Presidential Debate:

"I don't believe that we have a right to tell other people that women, they -- they can't control their body. It's a decision between them and their doctor, in my view. And the Supreme Court — I’m not going to interfere with that.”

In a democracy, leaders should not impose their personal beliefs upon the masses. We elect our leaders with the assumption they will respect the beliefs, religious and otherwise, of all. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have stated unequivacably they will not respect the fact that there are millions of women who believe they have the right to decide what to do with their own health and their own bodies. Add one more pro-birth* justice to the Supreme Court, and Roe v Wade could indeed be overturned. WE CAN NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!

*Pro-life is a farce. If people were pro-life, they would care about what happens to the children after they're born. They don't. That's not their problem. That's God's problem. All they care about is the child being born. And pro-birth politicians are more than willing to vote against programs that help single moms and low income families, like welfare, Planned Parenthood, and Obamacare.

Read More at: http://hollywoodlife.com/2012/10/12/paul-ryan-joe-biden-abortion-stance-vice-president-debate-2012-vp/#utm_source=copypaste&utm_campaign=referral

I don’t believe that we have a right to tell other people that women, they — they can’t control their body. It’s a decision between them and their doctor, in my view. And the Supreme Court — I’m not going to interfere with that,”

Read More at: http://hollywoodlife.com/2012/10/12/paul-ryan-joe-biden-abortion-stance-vice-president-debate-2012-vp/#utm_source=copypaste&utm_campaign=referral

I don’t believe that we have a right to tell other people that women, they — they can’t control their body. It’s a decision between them and their doctor, in my view. And the Supreme Court — I’m not going to interfere with that,”

Read More at: http://hollywoodlife.com/2012/10/12/paul-ryan-joe-biden-abortion-stance-vice-president-debate-2012-vp/#utm_source=copypaste&utm_campaign=referral

So, there you have it. My rant opinion on this most important election. Whatever your take is on the candidates, make sure you get out and vote on November 6th. As Americans, this is our single greatest freedom. DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!

You have read this article Biden / Obama / Planned Parenthood / pro-life / Romney / Ryan / Sarah Palin / supreme court with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2012/10/romneyryan-american-horror-story.html. Thanks!

A Novel New Year

For my first post of the New Year, I'm not going to bore you with any of the normal BS like resolutions or things I hope to accomplish before the next ball drops (heads out of the gutter, people, the one in Times Square). Nope, I've got far more interesting news.

I FINISHED THE NOVEL I STARTED LAST JANUARY!!!
http://www.spike.com/video-clips/8th6j8/that-novel-you-ve-been-working-on
I know, amazing, right? No? Okay, fine. This may not be the most exciting thing you've heard so far this year, I mean, Michele Bachmann just "suspended her campaign" (bullshit way of saying, "dropped out of the race" - she probably learned it from Sarah Palin who "suspended her governorship") and Tim Tebow's conversations with Jesus have led my beloved Denver Broncos to the playoffs, but I hope we can all agree the fact that I FINISHED THE NOVEL I STARTED LAST JANUARY!!! is pretty damn exciting.

I'm currently editing and wondering why things are going so smoothly. Could it be that the more you write, the better you get? Or is it something more intangible, like luck mixed with determination sprinkled with more luck? Either way, I'm grateful. This was a difficult and cathartic book to write, and I'm excited to usher it into the world.

IN OTHER NEWS...

My cats, Mia (top) and Emma (bottom), still hate each other. I'm not being melodramatic, it's true. They can't stand the fact that the other exists on the same planet, never mind in the same house. We've tried everything, new toys, Pounce (aka Kitty Crack), whispering in their ears, scratching them under the chin, and blasting Stray Cats music, but nothing has worked. We even promised them each a new car (a Jaguar or Cougar), but they acted as if they could care less. Any tips on how to bond a friendship between two, female felines would be freaking fantastic.

Also, the countdown is on for a 10-day Caribbean cruise with my honey and my parents! Four weeks from this Friday we leave for Ft. Lauderdale. (What's with all the "f" words, you ask? I have no fucking clue!)

I've been asked by the Academy to keep my comments short, so that's all for now, folks. I hope 2012 brings you all the goodies you deserve. And, on behalf of insane people and comedians everywhere, let me say, "Palin-Bachmann - 2016!"

And one more thing... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN!!! I love you bunches and bunches x infinity.

You have read this article 2012 / Denver Broncos / Happy New Year / Michele Bachmann / Sarah Palin / Tim Tebow with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2012/01/a-novel-new-year.html. Thanks!

Bring on The Funny

Even though my life has been a little rocky lately, laughter - as always - is the best medicine.

Therefore, I'm posting some of my favorite funnies. Hope you laugh at least once while reading them.

(And, no, Brad Pitt and Christina Aguilera aren't funny. Just yummy. And who doesn't like a little yummy with their funny?)

I could have done a whole post with either funny cat pics or Sarah Palin cartoons (she's such an easy target, it's ALMOST unfair.) Instead, I picked one of my favorites from each of these hilarious categories.

IN OTHER NEWS
I'm in Portland, OR with Awesome Agent and some other brilliant, talented, hilarious women having more fun than is probably legal. I promise to give away at least a couple of the juicy details next week.

Until then, keep it classy, San Diego (and the rest of the world).

You have read this article Brad Pitt / Christina Aguilera / Sarah Palin with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2010/05/bring-on-funny.html. Thanks!

Twetiquette

The lovely and talented Jody Hedlund had a great post recently that got me thinking: what is proper etiquette on Twitter, aka, Twetiquette!

First of all, a quick look at my journey into Twitterville. From the first moment I heard of Twitter, I was dead-set against it. Who needs another form of social networking? Not me, that's for sure! For [not] the first time in my life, I was dead wrong. Last June I went kicking and screaming into heaven.

As some of you know, I partially [totally] owe my finding agent representation to Twitter. Awesome Agent aka Bernadette Baker-Baughman of Baker's Mark Literary Agency liked the back and forth banter we were engaged in on Twitter, checked out my blog, and the rest, as they say, is history.

There are many different reasons people fly the bird [not to be confused with "give the bird"] to Twitterville, but most go to find people who share common interests. For the purpose of this post, I'll limit my discussion to the writing community, since that's the one I'm most familiar with. (I dabble in politics on Twitter, but that's a whole 'nother conversation!)

So, what's acceptable and what's not? Here's my take.

DISCLAIMER: These are MY OPINIONS only. (Spoiler Alert!) You may love spouting the "eff" word in Twitterland, and no one can/will stop you. They may unfollow you, but they can't stop you. Why? There are no hard and fast rules in Twitterville.

Let's start with what IS acceptable:

1) Be positive!
Give encouragement and acknowledge the accomplishments of yourself and others. Spread the cheer.

2) Be informative.
Tweet and retweet things that matter to the writing community. Examples include new agent announcements, Publisher's Marketplace articles, pub dates for yourself and others, and links to other writer's blog posts you find interesting (hint, hint). What you find interesting, others probably will, too.

3) Direct Message.
Direct Messages, or DM's, will be seen by your eyes and the eyes of who you are tweeting only. It's basically an email. Use DM's when you have something to say that is private, or if you're having a conversation and you don't want to "bother" all of the Twitosphere with it. Not everyone needs/wants to hear everything you have to say.

4) Tweet News, etc.
Earthquakes, election results, publishing-related news, music, TV shows, pictures of your cat, Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey breaking up - things of utmost importance that no one can go another minute without knowing. These are all appropriate to tweet. People like to be informed and entertained.

5) Updates on Your Progress.
It's fine to tweet updates on your writing progress such as word counts, agent representation, if you're on submission, book sales, interviews, etc. Just don't overdo it. Twitter isn't your personal stage. It's a community.

6) Bring on the Funny.
Jokes, You Tube videos, and back and forth banter are all okay. Just keep in mind different people have different ideas of what funny is. I, for one, don't think passing gas, in any context, is funny. But that's just me. Obviously many people feel otherwise. Laughter is the best medicine. Let's keep each other healthy!

7) Be Polite.
Say please, and especially, thank you. As in life, there are many opportunities on Twitter to show your gratitude. Don't hold back. Let people know you appreciate them and their many talents. Building people up is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Public acknowledgment is a beautiful thing.

What NOT to do on Twitter:

1) No Whiners.
Do not whine, at least, not excessively. We all have our bad days, and it's okay to request support every now and then. But if you complain frequently about your life circumstances, you may find yourself losing followers. No one likes whiners!

2) Use DM's for Self-Promotion or Welcoming New Followers.
The only thing more annoying than spambots are people who DM to tell you of their new blog posts and pub dates or who "welcome" you as a new follower and "invite" you to go to their website or blog. This is TOTALLY ANNOYING! Use DM's for personal conversations you are sure other people want to have. Period!

3) Language.
Keep your curse words to a minimum. The "eff" word is, for the most part, inappropriate on Twitter, though clearly not everyone agrees. Curse words, in general, are not necessary. I'm not prude, I was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island. However, you take a big chance of offending folks if your language is often sprinkled with profanity. You've only got 140 characters. Why be raunchy?

4) Dissing Others.
Never, ever, EVER dis someone on Twitter. If you've got a personal gripe, find some other way to deal with it. Of course, this doesn't include truly evil people like the KKK, Neo-Nazis, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Sarah Palin. They deserve all the grief they get. Be kind to others, otherwise, you're the one who ends up looking like the fool.

5) Bodily Functions.
We're not doctors and nurses, we're writers, agents, and editors. Keep the bodily functions to yourselves, whether they're you're kids or your own. (This expounds upon previous "passing gas" comment.) This definitely falls under the category of TMI. No one wants to be grossed out!

6) Just Say "No" to ALL CAPS & EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Need I say more?

7) Don't Twitter Stalk.
Don't stalk people on Twitter. It's probably illegal and just plain weird. We all have our faves, but give people space. The world doesn't need any more paparazzi!

So, folks, there you have it. Twetiquette by Debra L. Schubert. Here's the Cliff Notes version:

Do's:

• There are no hard and fast rules in Twitterville.
• Spread the cheer.
• What you find interesting, others probably will, too.
• Not everyone needs/wants to hear everything you have to say.
• People like to be informed and entertained.
• Twitter isn't your personal stage. It's a community.
• Laughter is the best medicine. Let's keep each other healthy!
• Public acknowledgment is a beautiful thing

Don'ts:

• No one likes whiners!
• Use DM's for personal conversations you are sure other people want to have. Period!
• You've only got 140 characters. Why be raunchy?
• Be kind to others, otherwise, you're the one who ends up looking like the fool.
• No one wants to be grossed out!
• Just Say "No" to ALL CAPS & EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• The world doesn't need any more paparazzi!

What did I miss? What are your likes and dislikes on Twitter?

You have read this article Ann Coulter / etiquette / Jenny McCarthy / Jim Carrey / Rush Limbaugh / Sarah Palin / Twetiquette / Twitter with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2010/04/twetiquette.html. Thanks!

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Revelations

Is it just me, or are SUBLIMINAL MONDAYS arriving at warped speed these days? I'm fairly certain someone has messed with the fragile space/time continuum, and I'm not pleased. The reason this angers me is because, although it may not look like it, these posts do not write themselves. [In fact, small elves from Greenland write them, but I'll save that for another time.]

So, my friends, guess what? I'm back to work on a new story. [Sheesh, does this writing crap never end?] Awesome Agent is currently reading Draft #3, and I'm going crazy not editing. Therefore, TADA! new book to the rescue.

As I was writing this week, I had a mind-bending revelation: There may not be "magic" in this wip, and I mean that literally. I would've bet money that the follow-up to my first YA novel would also have a magical element, but guess what? I would've been wrong. [I'm sorry, are you snoring? RUDE!] So, what is my new book about you ask? It's about teenagers without special powers, other than their usual bitchiness, know-it-all-ness, laziness, sex-craziness, etc. that teens excel at. [I'm sorry, did I say, "teens?" I meant,"I."] Even though I'm only 4,200 words in, I'm already in love with my characters. They're fun, quirky, bossy, interesting, and conflict-ridden. And a few are just plain train-wreckish. [Like Tiger Woods or Sarah Palin. Or maybe Tiger Woods and Sarah Palin. Ohmygod, could she have been one of his gazillion mistresses? Holy Lipstick-On-a-Pig, Batman, I didn't think it was possible for my opinion of Tiger to tank any lower!]

Like many writers, I translate the drama I see in real life into fiction. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by a gaggle of teens. [Yes, they're called a "gaggle." Google "gaggle" if you don't believe me... Okay, fine. I made it up. I just wanted to say google gaggle.] Of course, I cut out about 99% of the bad words they use, because, really, who wants to read a book with the "eff word" in every sentence? [Larry Flint, Howard Stern, and David Duchovny, to name a few.]

And, don't faint, but I had another revelation this week. [Must be the extra chocolate I've been strategically adding to my diet.] I realized writing is akin to Olympic sports. Yup, you heard me right folks. Like Olympic athletes, we writers rise early in the morning [afternoon], exercise [Twitter, solitaire] and GET OUR GAME ON! [Write a chapter or two and take a nap.] Sometimes we even fall down [roll out of bed for a snack] leaving random body parts [words, sentences, entire chapters] strewn about, and get up and do it all over again the next day. In fact - and you can quote me on this - the stress we writers face far surpasses that of Olympic athletes. Why? Because they only do it once every four years, while we writers sometimes write four books in ONE year. You do the math. [You hate math? Fine, I'll do it for you. 4x4=16. You're welcome.] Like gold medalist Shaun White would say, "I'm so stoked, dude, cuz like, WRITERS ARE TOTALLY RAD!"

So, as you continue to watch world-class, Olympic athletes skiing, skating, bobsledding, or whatever-the-heck it is they do on the international stage this week, remember to give credit where credit is due: to the writers. After all, it is we who work our arses off [sit on our arses while we work] and it is we who never sleep [not counting night time and mandatory afternoon naps].

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY question: What is your favorite Winter Olympic sport? My fave is Figure Skating. [Will forever be in love with Torvill and Dean.]

You have read this article David Duchovny / Howard Stern / Larry Flint / Sarah Palin / Shaun White / The Olympics / Tiger Woods / Torvill and Dean with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2010/02/subliminal-monday-revelations.html. Thanks!

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! Which Old Witch? The Palin Witch!

Well, well, well. My dearest friend, Sarah Palin, who's a legend in her own mind, has stepped down from her high perch as Governor of the Great State of Alaska. Thank God she'll still be able to see Russia from her house! I'm sure that's a relief to the Soviets, and to the national security of our country.

According to Norah O'Donnell of MSNBC news, she used her Twitter account to let more than 100,000 of her favorite folks know she'll be taking a road trip with a camper full of kids and coffee. Wink, wink, you betcha! Man, that's interesting news.

Why did she leave? You ask. How will Alaska survive? These are VERY good questions, and ones I feel more than qualified to answer.

1) Why did she leave? DUH! That's a no-brainer. She left because she's got ethics investigations hanging over her head and big media was out to get her! And, oh yeah, there's that little six-figure book deal (damn her!) and high-dollar speaking engagement offers looming in the distance. And, anyway, being elected to run a state's no big deal. Heck, there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 of 'em in this country alone! After all, she finished over half of her term. That's pretty good, right? You betcha! Plus, she's a certifiable MAVERICK so golly gee willikers she'll get by just fine out there in her gas-guzzling RV.

2) How will Alaska survive? That's tougher. I mean easier. They probably won't notice a thing, except for the attention on their state, once again, disappearing. into thin air. (Alaska? Where's that? Somewhere in Africa? Exactly!)

So, to all you hockey moms and Joe Six Packs and Joe the Plumbers out there - no tears for you! Uh, uh. You're tough, you've got guns, you can handle it. Plus there's always Ann "Big Neck" Coulter and Rush "I'm a Drug-Addicted, Big Fat Asshole" Limbaugh to worship. Those two geniuses will catapult us into the 21st century with their wit, wisdom, and bonafide bigotry. Einstein and da Vinci ain't got nothing on them! Only problem is, if they decide to make alien babies together, then the galaxies will be destroyed and none of this patter will matter. (My poetic talent knows no bounds.)

To Sarah Palin I say, may all God's creature go scurrying for cover when they see your family's guns pointed in their direction, may your family cease from procreating, may you enjoy your bear skin rug, and if you wink at me one more time, I'm going to shove one of your rifles straight up your ass.

And, although I'm not the religious type, I've got a prayer to mark the auspicious occasion of this fearless leader's departure:

Dear God,

May this be the last we see of this beauty pageant freak. Keep her hidden from the world so she no longer makes us Americans look like the biggest bunch of jackasses on Earth. And, please, oh please, save her from evil witchcraft! SCARY!!!

And while I've got your ear, a gentle reminder - remember that two-door, baby blue Mercedes we discussed? I'm ready whenever you are. Amen.

I couldn't end what I hope will be my last post on the illustrious ex-Governor of the Great State of Alaska without including my all-time favorite Palin-inspired cartoon. Once again, enjoy!

You have read this article Ann Coulter / Mercedes / Rush Limbaugh / Sarah Palin with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2009/07/ding-dong-witch-is-dead-which-old-witch.html. Thanks!

100!!!!!

WELCOME TO MY PARTY!!!

I hope you like cupcakes. Here we are. You. Me. Together again. Isn't this nice? Kind of cozy. It's hard to believe this is my 100th post. What a freakin' milestone this is! Of course, birthdays, anniversaries and 100th blog posts are nothing more than our perception of what we say is important in this bizarre experience we call "life." It's all made up, folks, every last bit of it. But, you know what? That's the beauty. We have the power to create our own lives; we really are the Michelangelos of our individual worlds. I truly believe that "Little by little, all our sweet dreams come true..."

So, what has been created here? Why is this blog important to me and, hopefully, to you? For me it's because this is a place where thoughts on the road to publishing, spirituality, music, politics, humor and pictures of gorgeous animals (and I'm not just talking about my family) have a place to roam free. It's a diary of sorts.

Remember the crazy, old guy who told me I'd voted for Satan? (11/7/08)
Remember when Dusty went missing? (1/12, 13, 15/09)
Remember my crazy neighbor who went all Mike Tyson on us? (10/14/08)
Remember the not-too-bright ex-beauty queen who was running for the second most powerful job on the planet? (10/2/08)
Remember when I got my first "nibble?" (11/25/08)
Remember when my mom went through surgery and your love and support made all the difference in the world? (10/2/08)

(I've added the dates here in case anyone feels nostalgic and wants to re-experience these episodes. You can find them in the bottom, right-hand corner of the blog.)

Here are a few of my favorite pics from various entries:










This is the stuff of my blog journal. Looking back over the past 7 & 1/2 months, a lot has changed. My first entry (9/30/08) was right after I'd attended my first writer's conference in NYC. I'd finally jumped in and gotten my feet wet and what an eye-opener that was! The gals in my group like Wendy and Sarah were so talented and supportive. I was blown away to be in their presence. And my dear blogger friend, Amy, made me feel so at home in this new blogosphere world.

I'll be attending two more conferences this month, and I can't wait. First of all, I'll be meeting my new best friend for the first time (a writer I "met" through my blog - she doesn't have a blog, otherwise I'd link her - hugs to you, J...) and secondly, I know there will be new agents and writers I'll meet and all of our lives will be impacted - it's a beautiful thing.

Since my first entry, I've set aside the book I was pitching back then, written another, and am 2/3 of the way through yet another. I've never been happier. Thanks to each and every one of you for making this journey fun, enlightening, challenging and humorous. I love all of your comments - I am honored and amazed by you.

Before I get to the SGP, a reminder that all the NEW folks (between the last post and this coming Sunday night) are in the running for a $10 gift card, and a commenter from the last post has already been selected to win a $10 gift card. (All winners will be announced Monday morning and all gift cards are from Borders Books). A commenter from this post will win a $20 gift card and if you link to this post and let me know, you'll have another shot at both the $20 gift card and the SGP.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to unveil the Secret Grand Prize....

By Sunday at 9PM EST, all who have commented on this post or the last (if you post on both, you get two shots at it) will be eligible for:

A $20 Gift Card from Borders PLUS
Your choice of one of the following two books (in perfect condition):

• The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman
• Never Have Your Dog Stuffed by Alan Alda

AND.....

• You get to name a character in my current WIP, "Murder on Twilight Circle"!!!

If you win, you'll have the option of choosing a male (homicide detective) or female (nun) character to name. (And, for the record, if you choose the nun I'd prefer you stay away from names like Lolita, Candy, Tootsie, etc.!!!)

I wish the best of luck to each and every one of you, and from my heart to yours, Namaste. (I bow to you.)

You have read this article 100th Blog Post / Alan Alda / Borders / diary / journal / Noah Lukeman / Sarah Palin with the title Sarah Palin. You can bookmark this page URL https://loriescorner.blogspot.com/2009/05/100.html. Thanks!

One Darn Lovely Award!

I am, once again, totally verklempt at the amazingness of some of the bloggers out there in blogland. The ever-lovely Midlife Mama over at Midlife Musings has, for some out-of-body-type reason, deemed me worthy of the "One Lovely Blog Award." I know, what was she thinking? I've been called many things in my life, but never lovely. I do, however, hope my mom is reading this. (Hi, Mom!)

To you, MM, I thank you from the deepest depths of my soul. If I were pregnant, I'd name the baby after you, although naming a baby "Midlife Mama" might be considered wrong in some circles. (Who'd want to live in a place where you couldn't name your kids something funny, lame, or borderline cruel? Not me, that's for sure, and I think Gwyneth Paltrow and Frank Zappa would agree).

Of course, these undeniably fantabulous awards do not come without tremendous responsibilities, and I've always taken my responsibilities seriously. However, being an A-type personality (No! Really?), control freak, JAP, and one who doesn't just question authority, but wrestles it to the ground and strangles it slowly to death, I've "revised" the rules.

Here are "The (Evil) Rules" in their original format:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
That seems reasonable. Check!

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you've newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
WTF? 15? Who writes these "rules," anyway? Are you freakin' kidding me! Let's say we settle for ten. That's a much more manageable number, don't you think?

So, drum roll please! The 10 NEWLY DISCOVERED bloggers out there who IMHO have perfectly lovely blogs are:

• The simply sensational Jamie Mason at Because I Love to Hear Myself Type! If you don't fall instantly in love with her and her writing, you are a freak from the Planet Zeno.

• The ferociously funny Kiersten at Kiersten Writes! This girl can say, "Please pass the ketchup" and you'll be rolling on the floor laughing.

• The meticulously marvelous Michelle at The Innocent Flower! If you don't learn something from this wise, writing genius than you, my friend, are an idiot.

• The kutely kaptivating Kasie West! She's sweet, funny, and has an AMAZING new haircut.

• The sweetly splendid Sharla Scroggs at A Little Salty! Sharla's in the middle of a big kitchen renovation. What's not to love about that?

• The palpably precocious Paul Michael Murphy at Murphblog! Paul enjoys potty humor AND is really smart! Take a number, ladies!
  

• The jubilantly joyous Jenni James! Jenni is the happiest person alive. You think I'm kidding? Go check out her blog.

• The kreatively kompelling Kelly Polark! Kelly is a talented poet with beautiful hair who's afraid to ride a Harley.

• The ravishingly remarkable Rebecca at Provocation Of Mine (d)! Her annoying habit of "daily blogging" is making me look like a lazy slob. Oh, wait. I looked like a lazy slob long before I found Rebecca's blog...

• The immpressively introspective Indigo at Scream Quietly! She clawed her way out from the depths of hell, and is sharing her story with the world. May the Gods bless her.

In the interest of supporting minorities, I've once again included a token white, heterosexual male. Who knows, maybe they'll even be able to marry someday!

Please visit these well-deserving folks and tell them Debbie sentcha, you betcha! (She said winking and giving the "thumbs up!" sign.)

(Holy Toledo, Batman! My inner Sarah Palin comes out at the most inappropriate times. OMG! I've got an inner Sarah Palin!)

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Rewriting: Ain't it a Blast?

Ah, rewriting. Ain't it a blast? I'm not talking revisions here, I'm talking rewriting as in writing something from nothing. Kind of like a first draft only different. Since I've already written the whole brilliant masterpiece, it's not like I don't know the outcome. HOWEVER, I'm writing AS IF I don't know what's coming.

(If you're confused, you might compare this to when you and your honey dress up in a nurse and doctor's outfit. You've got a fairly good idea where you're headed, so to speak, but you may not be exactly sure how you'll get there. And that's more than half the fun. Do you get it now? Yeah, I thought you might.)

Anyhoo, I've had four requests for partials and was advised there's "too much back story." (Can you believe that? Sheesh. Some people's kids.) Since I've already chopped a good deal of my first three chapters out, I figured I'd try a new and, dare I say, revolutionary approach. I wiped the first three chapters off the map and started anew. Blank page, new Microsoft Word document, fresh as daisies clean. I wasn't entirely sure where the first three chaps would take me, but I was willing to throw my writing boots back on and walk down that illusive road to find out.

Remember my last post on Michelangelo and how he carved David? This is a quiz class, please pay attention. You'll be graded accordingly. Time's up! Hand in your papers. Hmmm. Wow, I'm impressed! You all get "A's." Except for you, Jason. You clearly weren't paying attention. I'm so disappointed. You're going to have to stay after class today. I've got a certain doctor's outfit I was hoping you'd try on... Where was I? Oh, yes. To recap: Mikey said carving David was easy because he simply got rid of everything that wasn't David. That Michelangelo - what a kidder! Following in Mikey's illustrious footsteps, I set out to dismiss everything that isn't Sparks Fly Sometimes, and I'm praying to Buddha, Allah, and Jesus, et al that I got it right this time.

This insane-yet-earth-shattering rewriting idea was spurred on by words of wisdom from a formidable and very hip agent, as well as a kickass-soon-to-be-agented writer hailing from the great state of Ohio. (As in, "four dead in...") Of course, I didn't rewrite entirely from scratch, since I knew how the story ends, middles, and sort of begins. However, I was writing from a different vantage point, eliminating pesky minor characters, and developing the divas and rock stars with the style, flair and elan they deserve.

The good news is, I did it! I'm done! And...I love it! Eureka! The view from the top of Mt. Everest is pretty damn gorgeous, although it's as cold as Sarah Palin in an ice storm in the middle of the Russian tundra (which , by the way, she can see from her house.)

I'll be sending these new and improved sample pages out to yet another (crazy? desperate? BRILLIANT!) agent who has requested my partial submission. We'll soon see if all my hard work pays off.

Wish me luck! ;-)

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Keep On Truckin', Baby!

Blog Transformation

First of all, thanks to my dear on-line friend Elizabeth for acknowleging my blog's new and improved look. How do the rest of you folks feel about it? (This is the part where you clap and cheer and yell things like "bravo!" or "Go Steelers!" or "Pass the damn ketchup!") My marketing background likes things to look pretty and clearly represent what's inside the package. My blog agrees, and being the elevated being that it is, experienced its own transformation a couple of days ago. So it and I would like some well-deserved acknowledgement, thank you very much. (I'm a rock goddess and a Jewish American Princess - my ego can never be fully satisfied.)

Keep on Truckin', Baby!

I'm currently in wait mode. I have three requested partials out along with several queries. I'm taking my time with the query process, trying to do my due diligence and vetting in a responsible manner. After the ugly mess the GOP made with Sarah Palin, I think patience and thoughtful reflection are a better alternative. I'd rather have no agent than the equivalent of one with the literary expertise and brains of Sarah Palin. (Sorry, my bad. I should never use "expertise" "brains" and "Sarah Palin" in the same sentence.) I think it's important to find an agent who'll be excited about my work and, therefore, enthusiastically represent me to the owners of Random House over tea and crumpets. (That's how it works, right?)

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep on truckin'. I've got two major projects that will hopefully keep me out of trouble:

1) Writing articles for my new gig as Philadelphia Songwriter Examiner. The powers that be are still working on getting me up and running, but I'm told I should be good to go by the end of this week or early next week. At least four articles per week seems daunting, but I love a good challenge. Plus, songwriting and the music biz are endlessly fascinating - I look forward to learning more about my first love. (Sorry, Chuck. I didn't want to have to break it to you this way...)

2) Birthing a new book. Thankfully, this process is far less painful than the more commonly birthed items. (It's not wrong to call a baby an item, is it?) There's a character in my novel named Bree Lang. She's a gorgeous, rich, bisexual red-head who's an assistant D.A. and is friends with Jenny, my mc. Jenny's jealous of Bree because she gets to investigate all kinds of gory, exciting murders (Jenny's a certified true-crime freak.) I think Bree and Jenny will embark on a murder-in-the-burbs mystery in my follow-up novel. I'm really kinda sorta liking that idea. (Sorry for the highbrow prose. Please try to keep up.)

What about you? What are you working on as we speak?

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Burst Pipes Ring in the New Year

Happy New Year & Burst Pipes

I just wanted to pop in and wish all my friends in the blogosphere a healthy, happy, laughter-filled 2009. We greatly enjoyed our time in Denver, even though we came home to the remnants of a burst pipe from out tub in the master bath that flooded our laundry room below and my son, Adam's bedroom and bath below that. Of course, this happened soon after we arrived in the Mile High City. Thanks to Allstate's good hands, and my dear friend, Heather's good heart (thank goodness we made up after our ugly political romp) everything is under control. Big, green fans were here all week drying out the effected areas. The bad news is I have no floor in the laundry room, or ceiling in the laundry room and basement bathroom. The good news is, Chuckie and I will be spending a romantic Friday night at Lowe's selecting paint and a new laundry room floor.

President Obama, You Snob!
In eighteen days, we'll have a new president sworn in. (Thank you, Jesus, et al) I imagine he will help steer the massive SS America into calmer seas. My parents sent me the following. The only problem with it is I didn't write it myself. Enjoy!

Obama's Stubborn, Controversial Speech:
In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS's 60 Minutes witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth. But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring. According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a president who speaks English as if it were his first language. "Every time Obama opens his mouth his subjects and verbs are in agreement." says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist." The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate -- we get it, stop showing off." The president-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. "Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

In Other News...
I got a second nibble! ):

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