The Four Stages of Writing

I am here, not only to entertain, but to enlighten. Hence, I give you THE FOUR STAGES OF WRITING.

STAGE ONE: FIRST DRAFT

When I'm writing a first draft I'm happy. Make that borderline ecstatic. I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing in the world, and I feel powerful and free. Except, that is, for the moments when I'm terrified. The terror comes from staring at a blank computer screen and not knowing if my muse will grace me with brilliance or if I'll be at a complete loss to mentally capture anything remotely resembling words. The conversation in my head goes something like this:

"Hang in there, Deb. You can do this! You've done it before, you'll do it again. If you were [insert character's name here] what would you do? Where would you go? What would you say? See, it's not so difficult. It's just like kindergarten. All you have to is pretend you're [character], go in the backyard, make some mud pies, and eat them! Writing is that easy!"

This type of inner dialogue is common when I'm writing. My mental cheerleading squad brings out their pom-poms and yells, "Go, Debbie, go! Beat the other team!" I have no idea what 'other team' they're referring to, but I'll be damned if those imaginary cheerleaders don't get the job done. Before long, with the exception of those pesky blank-screen-terror bouts, the first half of the book is moving along quite well. Characters are appearing, plots are forming, and action is happening. Life is good. And at the end of each day, I pull out my writing journal and joyfully record the number of words I've piled up, which is usually between 500-2000. I wink at myself in the mirror and treat myself to Stella Doro Chocolate-filled cookies. This goes on until...

Tragedy strikes. 

Somewhere around the two-thirds mark in the book, I completely lose my mojo. In an instant, the entire story seems silly, tired, predictable, boring. At this point in the process, I have an epiphany: I totally suck at writing and should have pursued accounting or geography or some other subject I hated in college. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like a total loser. 

Hot Cheerleaders aka Cheap Ploy to Keep You Reading.

The mental cheerleaders roll their collective eyes and hold special practices to keep me from doing what I'm threatening to do: toss out all of the stupid, uninteresting, lame, ridiculous verbage I've written up to that point and salvage whatever might be left of my dignity. Most times, after days of torturing myself, the rah-rahs prevail, and I trudge onward through the arid desert known as "the second third of my book." This goes on until...

Magic happens!

A perfect ending appears like a picture of Jesus in a dollop of ketchup on a double cheese-burger with onions and lettuce, followed by visions of writing awards, TV appearances, and millions of glorious dollars piling high in my bank account. The cheerleaders don their finest uniforms and, in perfect rhythm and surprisingly impressive harmonies, cheer, "Go, Debbie, go. GO, GO, GO!" The heavens part, the harp-holding angels rejoice, and the world becomes 'one.'

The sprint to the end of the story is a joyful, self-indulgent, glorious collection of happy, brilliant writing moments. The plot twists weave together with satisfying clarity, the characters who haven't died in a tragic car crash or been poisoned with a toxic cocktail of anti-freeze and Gatorade, pull out their finest crystal and pour glass upon glass of the most expensive Dom Perignon, and then the moment of true glory occurs: I write the two most precious words in the English language....

"THE END."

STAGE TWO: REVISIONS

After a brief but glorious bout of post-coital first draft joy, I grab an electronic cigarette and begin the real work of writing: revisions. The process of revising, though somewhat less terrifying than staring at a blank page, is daunting. It is here that a writer flexes their muscles and attempts to turn a rough sketch into a glorious masterpiece.

After I'm certain my manuscript could not be even one drop more brilliant, I do what I learned as a parent - I send my precious baby out into the world to spend the night with total strangers. These people who've never met my baby are called "beta readers" and although they can be strange (after all, they're writers!), they are some of the most patient, kind, and supportive people on Earth. These are folks who put their own writing (and episodes of Homeland, HGTV, and Nashville) aside in order to help you become a better writer. They grab their beta magnifying glasses and go over every, single word with painstaking care. Then, they send your precious baby back covered in red marks and scribbled with helpful comments like, "How did Jenna jump out the window if she was sitting cross-legged on the floor meditating?" Or, "Did you really mean to put a comma after every single 'and' in your story?" 

After realizing your brilliant manuscript is not quite so brilliant you, once again, put your revision cap on and get back to work. Mine is a black leather cowboy hat adorned with feathers and turquoise. (Okay, so I don't actually have a revision hat, but I do have a big imagination which, given my "occupation," is like totally way better.) After months of sleep-deprived nights and wine-deprived days, I arrive at the point when I can no longer envision a way to make my story better. Then, and only then, do I move on to the third stage of writing...

STAGE THREE: QUERYING (OR SUBMITTING TO YOUR AGENT)

Whether you have an agent or not, this is a nerve-wracking time. In my case, I had an agent but I'm currently looking for a new one. This means, I'm querying again. (Hits head against wall.) Many writers would sooner endure water-boarding or being forced to marry Octo-Mom than to query agents, and, really, who could blame them? To write a query letter, you must shrink your three-hundred page manuscript into two paragraphs. It would be easier to squeeze a five-hundred pound person into size two jeans. But you have no choice, so, you do your best to describe -- in several, short sentences -- what you've nearly killed yourself writing for at least a year. Once this sadistic process is complete, you research agents. This process is painstaking and intimidating and involves scrutinizing Publisher's Marketplace, Query Tracker, Agent Query, and agency websites in order to pour over agent's bios, find out what genres they accept, what other writers have said about them, and how many books they've sold. Once you find an agent whom you feel you have at least a one-in-a-gazillion chance with, you send a query letter their way and...

Wait. 

And wait. And wait some more.

For me, when my email inbox dings, I pop an ativan. Most times it's nothing more than a spam offer to make my penis larger or date gun-toting born-again Christians, but every once in a while there is an email from a real, live, actual agent. When that happens,I slowly, ever so slowly, open the email...

Dear Author,

Sorry about the impersonal nature of this letter but we receive far more queries than we are capable of responding to. We are also sorry to inform you that XYZ Agency will not be pursuing representation with you. We found your writing bland, uninteresting, and sophomoric. Plus, your genre has been beaten to death like a dead horse. But, don't worry. There are many agents who, if exceedingly drunk, might feel differently about your "work." 

Please don't contact us by phone or in person or we will have no choice but to seek a restraining order against you.

Best of luck,

XYZ Slush Pile Junior Assistant

I transfer the depressing email into the "Pass" folder (because "Pass" sounds less debasing than "Rejection") and tell myself this is a good thing; that I'm now one step closer to finding the perfect agent. (Being a writer entails not only writing fiction, but also believing it.)

When a request for a partial or full does come through, it is literary manna from heaven. I position myself into a perfect Downward Dog, offer my feline overlords up as a sacrifice to the Writing Gods, and hope and pray this will lead to an offer of representation. It happened before, so it must be possible again, right? (Refer back to "believing fiction.") Waiting to hear back on a full or partial is more torturous than watching Snookie talk about, well, anything. And that, my friend, is pretty damn painful.

Whether or not you acquire or already have an agent...

STAGE FOUR: NOT WRITING

This may not sound like a stage of writing, but it is, in fact, an important one. It's the time in between books when story ideas simmer and percolate. (Suddenly craving coffee, which I don't even drink.) At first, this is a joyous time; after all, you've completed writing a first draft, finished revisions, and are querying or waiting to see what your agent thinks. You think, "Wow! Look at all this time I have on my hands! I could sleep, read a book, drink a bottle of wine, watch TruTV, or take a walk! Hell, I could do all of those things at once! OHMYGODTHISISAMAZING!!!!" But for me, the longer I'm not writing, the more I start to feel useless (why am I here?) and hopeless (what is there to live for??) and fearful (what if I never write again???) and you delude yourself into thinking you actually miss the torture of staring at a blank screen or getting to the dreaded two-thirds point in a novel or receiving humiliating rejection letters from literary agents. 

At this point, there is nothing to do but tell the cheerleaders to ready their pom-poms and and pray, once again, to the Writing Gods. And, what, you may ask, are you praying for now? For STAGE ONE, of course! Because writing, like life, is an ongoing cycle.

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How I Got My Agent (Revisited)

I had the distinct pleasure of participating in the #WritersRoad chat last night on Twitter and was reminded how much writers looking for representation are inspired by "agent-finding" stories. So, in light of that, here is the link to my blog post from November 17, 2009 about how I "got" my agent.

Once again, I hope you enjoy the post and are inspired to continue to follow your dreams.

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Did I Mention I've Got An....

Did I mention I've got an agent? No? Huh. Silly me. Must have slipped my mind...

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!! I'VE GOT AN AGENT!!!!!!!

Yes, it's happened - that life-changing phone call that well, changes your life.

First of all, let me introduce you to the most amazing agent on the planet: the lovely and talented Ms. Bernadette Baker-Baughman of Baker's Mark Literary Agency.*** Why is she so amazing?

1) Because she just is;

2) Because she "gets" my work, sees the potential, and has big plans for it, me, and us.

This story - "our" story - is somewhat unusual so, I thought I'd share it with you.

Once upon a time, there was a novel called, "SPARKS FLY SOMETIMES: CONFESSIONS OF A ROCK PRINCESS." (Yup, that's me "back in the day.") I've given the tag line before, but here it is again:

Life as a rock princess in the Denver music scene does nothing to prepare Jenny for life as a domestic goddess in the suburbs of Philly.

I love this book with all my heart, and I queried it widely. By "widely" I mean in the neighborhood of 150 queries. I received some requests for partials and even a few for fulls. BTW, one of the form rejections I got was from an agency called Baker's Mark Literary Agency.

Though I got interest, I didn't get any requests for representation. So, what did I do? I kept writing.

Next up: MURDER ON TWILIGHT CIRCLE. I always wanted to write a fun mystery and had a ball writing this. I queried widely again, in the neighborhood of 150 queries. This time, I got a lot more interest. 17 partial requests and 8 full requests. Ah. Now we were getting somewhere! Oh, and btw? One of the form rejections I received was from an agency called Baker's Mark Literary Agency.

Stats on MTC:
158 queries sent; 82 no response; 51 passes; 25 requests

Then a miracle happened. Through the magic that is Twitter, I received an e-mail. It was from a certain Bernadette Baker-Baughman from Baker's Mark Literary Agency. Here's a portion of the e-mail:

Hi Debra,

Bernadette here of Baker’s Mark Literary Agency. I just saw your funny reply to our twitter correspondence about author queries and I thought to myself “Shoot, did Debra query us and we responded with a no? How could we?” At any rate, I hope that is not the case, as I am quite enjoying our correspondence via twitter, and I like what you have to say on your blog (very beautiful, btw). If that is the case, well, I’d like to invite you to query again... We get anywhere between 150-300 queries a week and sometimes it is just downright difficult to pull out what we are looking for.

Yup, you read that right. She liked what I had to say on Twitter, visited my blog, and invited me to requery her for MURDER ON TWILIGHT CIRCLE. I immediately sent her the query and she asked for the first 100 pages, cover letter, and bio.

Then we emailed and talked on the phone. She said she loved my writing, but didn't feel a mystery was the best genre to go out with as a debut author. I told her about SPARKS FLY and she liked the idea. She asked me for the full manuscript. Then, I told her about an idea I had for a YA novel. That's when she got really excited. She asked me to keep her posted on my progress with the book. I began writing on September 20th and finished the first draft on November 3rd (six weeks; 62,000 words). This was the fourth novel I've finished, and the third novel I've finished this past year. (The first one took me 13 years, give or take, and the last three were done in a year.)

When I finished the first draft of my YA novel, she made a request. "I'd like a 7-day exclusive on your 1st draft."

"Come again? Um, okay, but let me read through it once before I send it."

What? An agent wanting to look at a first draft? I'd never heard of that before. I read through the ms and did a soft-edit, making sure sentences made sense, and correcting all the little odds and ends that go horribly awry when you're writing a first draft. Then I sent it off and was a basket case.

We scheduled a phone call for this past Friday, as in "Friday the 13th." Hmm... I wasn't feeling the warm fuzzies about the date or the call. I was sure she was going to say something like, "It's not bad, I mean maybe it's even good in places, but it's totally not there. Why don't you finish your edits and I'll take a look again, say maybe sometime next year?" I was ready for that. I took deep cleansing breaths and did stretching exercises in the minutes leading up to "the call." I could handle "no." I'd gotten quite good at it over the past year.

"The Call" lasted nearly an hour, and somewhere within that time frame, Bernadette offered to represent me. When I got off the call, I had a little trouble breathing. Okay, I felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs and I needed CPR - but in a good way. As wonderful as the conversation was, it wasn't a done deal. Bernadette told me to sleep on it, really think it over, and call her back when I'd made my decision.

Decision? What decision? To go with an amazing agent who loves my work and who, by her own admission, is a "high-powered bitch" (which is a great trait for an agent!), and who has huge vision and plans for my book vs. remaining agent-less? What kind of decision was that?

If only it were that simple... Keeping with the "proper protocol" of being offered representation, I sent e-mails to all agents who were still reading my work. There were five - each truly awesome. Two asked for the full 1st draft of my new book, another asked for the first 20 pages, another declined but wanted to continue reading my murder mystery, and one did not reply. Uh-oh. What do I do now?

In the end, I decided Bernadette was the one for me. Part of me knew it since that first e-mail she'd sent back on September 2nd. At the risk of sounding cliche, she had me at "hello" (or, "Hi Debra").

My advice to all of you wonderful and talented writers who are looking for representation is as follows:

1) QUERY WIDELY!

2) Keep writing. You never know which ms will be "the one."

3) Do lots of research. Find out which agents represent your genres, what other writers and clients have to say about them, what they've sold, etc. If possible, go to conferences and meet them in person.

4) Be organized. I had separate email folders for "Queries," "Passes," and "Requests," as well as an excel spreadsheet. I also kept track of my queries on QueryTracker.net. Other great resources include: AgentQuery.com and Publishers Marketplace.

5) Get to "know" agents on Twitter. It is the single most amazing resource writers have to converse with agents and find a good "fit."

6) Be your own best marketer. Have a blog &/or a website, keep it updated, and have it be a true representation of yourself. Get used to marketing yourself - you should always be your number one promoter!

7) DON'T GIVE UP!!!! If you're talented, committed, and dedicated, your day will come. I have no doubt about it. Neither should you.

Last, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your incredible support. I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. I hope the story of my journey (so far!) has been worthwhile for you.

Namaste, my friends. With all my heart, I bow to you.

***Bernadette is now with Victoria Sanders & Assoc. in NYC.

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NaNoWriMo... NOT! or I So Totally Don't Rock

Bawk, Bawk! So, I chickened out. I'd been recruited by a friend to join her in the month long writing fest which is National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo for short. The idea is to start from scratch with a new book idea and write 50,000 words between November 1st and 30th. It's all about quality, not quantity, though any self-respecting writer is going to be thinking quality with every word he or she writes.

According to the website, "If you write 50,000 words of fiction by midnight, local time, November 30th, you can upload your novel for official verification, and be added to our hallowed Winner’s Page and receive a handsome winner’s certificate and web badge. We'll post step-by-step instructions on how to scramble and upload your novel starting in mid-November." They also say, "Win or lose, you rock for even trying." I so totally don't rock.

To all my nanowrimo friends out there, you guys rock!

The reason I opted out is because I'm currently at 55,000 words on my YA wip THE SECRET KEEPER - somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 words away from completion. I can taste the ending, and it reminds me of chocolate fudge ice cream cake - yeah, baby, I'm thinking it might be that good. (I love this picture so much! I'd love to see something similar on the cover of the book.)

Of course, it's a first draft, which looks like a skeleton compared to the final draft, which looks more like Ashton Kutcher with his shirt partially unbuttoned giving me "that look." (Is it getting warm in here?)

I don't know if I mentioned this, but an agent has asked to see TSK in FIRST draft format. This is beyond frightening, since it takes a whole lot of vision to "see" the ms for what it "can" and hopefully "will" be. I have faith in this agent, though, and am hoping their vision will be similar to mine, if not a thousand times better.

IN OTHER NEWS...
Phillies: WTF???? My cat Zoro is not a happy camper.

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I'm Sorry... Did I Hit a Nerve?

Thanks to those few, brave souls who made their way through my last post. I know it was long, and perhaps a bit controversial. (Although, I did have an agent read it and she thought it was funny. See - even agents can have a sense of humor!) However, since that post, I had two of my "regular" followers leave me in the dust. This makes me sad. I want my mommy. I'm gonna take my toys and go home to my kitties. They NEVER stop following me.

It also makes me wonder if I've hit some sort of nerve...

I'm finally "live" with my new role as Philly Songwriter Examiner. Please visit often: Philly Songwriter Examiner. Along with this gig is a long list of "Writing Do's & Don'ts." Of course, being the headstrong 'thang that I am, I had already plowed into my first article before this little writing tool came my way. By that time, I realized I'd broken almost every rule on the list. OK, that's a slight exaggeration. I'd only broken two (very important) rules: no caps in the headline besides the first letter of the first word, and don't do an introductory first article. Each word of my first headline was in caps and the article was an introduction to me, glorious, me. So, I had to delete it and start from Square One.

It got me wondering if there are Writing Do's & Dont's in the blogosphere. I'd love your views on if there's an invisible line that shouldn't be crossed by bloggers along the posting trail. Sexy = okay; x-rated = not okay; racist or bigoted = never okay (mean is not funny or acceptable EVER!) Politics, one of my favorites, is definitely okay, after all, this last election couldn't have been more fun to write about, and religion? Better tread lightly on that one. (Just ask Madonna or Sinead O'Connor.) Oh, yeah, and then there's making fun of agents. That's a good one! Or is that perhaps as taboo as x-rated, religious, racist remarks? Hmm... (Or could it be I'm not as funny and entertaining as I thought? Damn, I hope it's not that!)

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True Love

Where Are You, Big D?

First of all, a heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who has either left a message on my blog or e-mailed, or sent prayers re: Dusty's safe return. Unfortunately, we have not found him yet. Chuck took the day off from work, and Ethan took the day off from school. We put up flyers, called the local authorities (police, SPCA, vet offices) and did a lot of driving around looking. I am trying not to think about the cold weather and instead think about my beautiful cat finding his way home. We took helpful advice such as leaving food out and even our dirty laundry (a basket of towels that Dusty loves to fall asleep in). This gives a whole new meaning to airing our dirty laundry. Although we still have five cats roaming the halls of our normally happy home, it is so obvious that something is missing. Please continue to keep Dusty in your thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you posted.

Here's a great clip that cheered me up a bit. I hope you enjoy it. (Sorry about the commercial that plays first. Hang in there, it's worth it.)
Tara & Bella

It's Agent Query Time!

As far as my novel goes, I'm querying agents slowly but surely. I feel very fortunate that two have requested a partial submission, but I'm well aware it's a long way from here to getting published. Until I've secured an agent who I'm on the same page with (I know, hilarious) like Eddie Kendricks of The Temptations said, I'll keep on trucking, baby. Of course, that was in 1973, long before I was born, but the sentiment is right on. (It's OK to lie on my blog, isn't it?)

Again, please keep those Dusty prayers and good wishes coming. I hope more than anything I'll soon have good news to report. As crazy as it sounds, I'd rather have my baby back than have my book published. That, my friends, is true love.

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I Got a Nibble!

My First Nibble!

OMG!!! I got my first nibble! An agent in Washington, DC liked my query and wants to see the first three chapters and a synopsis of my book. OMG!!! If it's not obvious, I am like so totally way excited! (My inner Valley Girl comes out whenever I'm excited. Just ask my husband.) My dad was sitting next to me as I read the agent's e-mail and he said, "You just said OH MY GOD!!! so many times in a row, that I thought maybe you'd finally found religion!" Of course, he knows better, but I just couldn't contain my joy. I felt like a five year old in FAO Schwartz! (Did I mention I'm excited?)

You see, I felt like quite the failure when I didn't get any nibbles at the Algonkian Writer's Conference in NYC in September when some of the other (amazing, brilliant, fantastic) writers in my group did. Of course, I'm not dil-you-sional, as Lewis Black would say. I'm clear that said agent's interest doesn't, by any stretch of the imagination, mean that I will be published. But at least it means I've got a shot! And if this one is interested, than maybe someone else might be, too, right?

So, now I'm feverishly revising my first three chapters, and I need to write a synopsis (which I've never done before.) As I mentioned in my last post, while I was in Denver I met with Karen, my copy editor, and she suggested I chop nearly half of my book out and add more stuff mainly pertaining to my fascinating musical past. (Her words, not mine.) And, I've been a very good girl, working hard on this angle. I have also been advised to take my time replying to the agent, and I will heed this advice as well. I figure it's better to take my time and feel like I've nailed those first three chapters, then to quickly reply before I feel more certain. (Did I mention I'm excited? No, I didn't think so. I'M EXCITED!)

I'm sure plenty of you out there in blogland have had numerous encounters with interested agents. I'd love to hear your stories, both good and bad!

Holiday Dilemma
Replying to a post on Amy Nathan's brilliant blog: http://amysuenathan.com/ got me thinking about the annual holiday dilemma. How do you get stuff done for the holidays, while simultaneously enjoying them? I've got part of the answer. Say you don't cook! I actually don't cook, and, let me tell you, that little deficiency pays off in spades! Of course, I did volunteer to bring some sort of chocolate thingie to my cousin's house in Jersey on Thursday - not quite sure what I was thinking (maybe a big Toblerone bar?). I've decided that chocolate thingie will take shape in the form of a chocolate cream pie. Now, I can hear some of you kitchen-savvy types snickering right now, but this is like a totally way-big major deal to me (Uh, oh, here comes Inner Valley Girl. I must be getting excited!) I scoped out the pie crust situation at my local grocery store and found out they sell them ready-made. Brilliant! Unfortunately, my mom informed me that the instant pudding mix doesn't cut it for a great tasting chocolate cream pie. "You mean I have to combine the pudding mix with milk and then stir until it boils?" I asked. "That sounds dangerously close to cooking!" OK, baking, but in my world, they're one in the same.

Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it turns out. And, most importantly, may you and your families enjoy a cozy, joyful, loving, healthy, and laughter-filled Thanksgiving.

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