SUBLIMINAL MONDAY! Vlog Virgin No More & Stevie Nicks

It's true, I've been de-vlowered and, I'm happy to report, it wasn't as painful as people say. If you've not yet viewed my first vlog EVAH, it's the post just before this one. Be sure not to miss it. It's short and sweet and you will thoroughly enjoy it. [It's nearly seven agonizing minutes long. You. Will. Be. Bored. To. Tears.]

Actually, it was much more fun and easy than I thought. [Being a film star is not all paparazzi and Vera Wang gowns. It's hard work, people, hard work!]

I did forget one vitally important ingredient for all writers - an undeniable "must-have," and this was picked up on by a few of my astute readers [You guys don't let me get away with anything, do you? Sheesh!] CHOCOLATE! I know, this should go without saying, but since I stole seven precious minutes of your life discussing all things writerly, it was indeed a horrifying faux pas that I left out the key ingredient to good writing. [Will eat more chocolate today to make up for this unforgivable oversight. There, I feel better already!]

I'm happy to report, I'm almost halfway through the edits for my YA novel. [No one cares.] I've shaved off over 20 pages of brilliant prose [filler] and, let me just say, "Wow! That's one tough lion to tame!" [I'm fairly certain a second grader could do it blindfolded and on a gummy bear high.] I'm so excited to see the novel tightening up, not unlike a sponge being squeezed of excess water.

See, folks? It's comparisons like that which distinguish the gifted writers from the run-of-the-mill-Joe-Six-Packs.
[That sponge thing was without a doubt, the single dumbest metaphor in the history of the written word.]

When I was young, I thought for sure I'd win a Grammy one day. I would have bet my life on it. I even drew a picture of myself accepting the Grammy for Best New Act of 1986. I had on a long, sparkly gown and my hair and make-up were perfect. [The hair and make-up should have tipped me off it was a dream that could never be reached.]

Last night I watched parts of the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards. Given how bad it was, I think I deserve my own Grammy just for watching. This tweet from someone last night sums it up:

"The Grammy Awards Executive Producer is Ashton Kutcher and you've just been punk'd!"

I saw dancers dressed in practically nothing, and heard alot of "music." [How many ways are there to say, "mediocre?"] Where have all the normal bands gone? You know, the ones who could get up on stage with no one but their fellow band-mates and make incredibly great music? [OMG, it's finally happened. I've become my mother.]

For me, the highlight of night was seeing Stevie Nicks on stage with Taylor Swift. [Taylor, you're lovely, but no one compares to Ms. Nicks.]

I'm so excited about this, I can hardly stand it. Are you ready? You sure? Okay, here goes. [Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.] I am going to meet Awesome Agent in person in NYC in less than two weeks! SQUEEEE!!!! [The minute she sees me, she'll realize she's made a terrible mistake and run for the hills, or the top of the Empire State Building, which in NYC is a more viable option.] We will discuss, at length, our plans for taking over the world. Then we'll share a yummy dinner and she'll smack me around to keep me on track with my editing schedule. [I hate pain.]

I'll take pics and maybe even do a VLOG. I'm so excited I'm afraid I won't be able to eat for the next 10 days! ["No better thing could happen." Signed, Your Waistline.]

Okay, folks this concludes another AMAZING [Not!] edition of SUBLIMINAL MONDAY. Don't forget to view my fascinating [sleep-inducing] First Vlog EVAH below. I promise you won't be disappointed! [Um, yeah, you will.]
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