SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Moving Forward or Avoiding a Series of Unfortunate Events

All we can do in life is move forward, right? I mean, it's hard to move backwards, unless you're doing the backstroke in a pool on vacation in Cancun. [Which sadly, I'm not.]

So, what are you moving towards? Wealth? Fame? Happiness? A thinner waist? A nicer house? A better car? The invention of fat-free chocolate? [If so, I love you, and for God's sake, hurry up!]

I'm moving towards publication. I'm committed to getting the YA novel I'm working on sold this year, hopefully before the end of the summer. [No pressure, AA.] I've had the goal to be published since I first declared myself a "serious" writer in 1995. At that point, my writing wasn't quite up to par. [Okay, it sucked. Big time. Hugely. Was laughable. It was horrific. Really. Super bad. The worst.] So, what did I do? I kept writing. And writing. And writing. [Good God, we get the picture. You don't need to write the same thing over, and over, and over, and over again for us to get it. We're not idiots. Sheesh!]

Don't get me wrong, I'm no writing robot. I did plenty of other things besides writing over the past 15 years. Here's the short-list:
  • I wrote lots of songs; [Selfish, angsty lyrics = BORING!]
  • Survived my honey's medical school and residency; [Had his pic by my bed so I'd remember what he looked like.]
  • Ate lots of good, healthy food; [Mostly chocolate, gained 10 pounds]
  • Raised my sons; [Do you see the gray?]
  • Moved from Colorado to Connecticut to Pennsylvania; [I'm Sagittarius. We love to travel];
  • Went on four cruises; [See previous SM]
  • Went from a Pontiac Grand Am to a Nissan Altima to a Hyundai Santa Fe to a Lexus RX300 and back to a Nissan Altima; [I heart cars. My next one? A baby blue, 2-door Mercedes. Again, no pressure AA.]
  • Settled into my dream house; [cookie-cutter McMansion in the burbs that I pretend is a real mansion]
  • Became a slave to six, feline captors. [It's true. Here's the proof. Here's more proof.]
All the while, I kept checking back in with LITTLE PEARLS, adding bits and pieces to my semi-autobiographical comedic masterpiece,[NOT!] editing it to within an inch of its life. This work, no matter how strange or discombobulated [use "discombobulated" in a sentence - CHECK!] started me on my "professional" writing journey. [If you're ever sneaking through my computer files, promise you won't read it. If you do, you'll be sorry. That's all I'm going to say.] [Threatening people on the internet is a federal crime. Of course, so is sneaking through other peoples' computer files. Think about it.]

Along the way, I had my moments. I sent my first queries in 2002. The next time you're drunk, text me and I'll send you one of these queries. You. Will. Not. Be. Able. To. Stop. Laughing. [Not sure why I wrote that last sentence in separate words. Must be my muse's fault.] In fact, it might kill you. You think, "I died laughing" is just a phrase? That's because you've never read one of my original queries. [It will kill you, and it won't be pretty. It'll be funny, but not pretty.]

A bigger publishing thrill happened [on the way to the Forum] when I met Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket, at a charity event. I have pictures, but I'm afraid if I publish them, he'll sue me. I thought it might be my big break. Instead, I created my own Series of Unfortunate Events.

Like an idiot, I handed him my incoherent manuscript in all it's incoherent glory. [Did I mention it was incoherent?] He sent me a thank you card, no doubt after having the biggest belly-laugh of his life [and he's friends with Jim Carrey, so that's saying something]. Because, trust me when I say, the full ms was like, ohmygod, a bazillion times funnier than the query and, like I said, reading the query, you could easily die laughing. [Um, yeah, I think we've covered that.] Shockingly, nothing ever came of it. If I ever meet him again, I'll wear dark sunglasses and say my name is Cecelia Fernandez. [He must never know it was me. Never, do you hear me, never!]

The good news is, all that work on LITTLE PEARLS eventually resulted in my completing three non-discombobulated [use "non-discombobulated" in a sentence - CHECK!] novels and work on two more. Now, I'm moving forward in my quest for publication. I'm excited, nervous, and even a bit proud. [Pats self on back.]

After all, moving confidently in the direction of your dreams is a big part of what makes life kick some serious bootay.

[Thanks, H.D. Thoreau. I couldn't have said it better myself.]
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