SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Hotter, Sexier, & WAY More Attractive

First of all, how do you like the new "blog do?" I took my blog to the spa and after much fussing, snipping, curling, and nail-polishing, this is what the professional stylists came up with. Do you like it? Isn't it hotter, sexier, and WAY more attractive? [Um, is the Earth flat? Is it possible to eat only one Dorito?]

Secondly, I have a deep, thought-provoking, heart-wrenching question: What do you do when you're in like, but not in love with your wip? Do you drop it like a high-school boyfriend with a really bad zit, or stick with it like an annoying song you can't get out of your head? [Midnight at the Oasis.]

I'm enjoying writing my new book, but I'm not ecstatic about it. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm ever enthralled with my first drafts. Each time I write a book, I tell myself to take notes about how I feel so next time I'll realize my neuroses are normal. ["Normal neuroses" is an oxymoron.] Inevitably, I plum forget to take those notes, so I'm left with my usual self-doubts. [My capacity to remember is akin to Rush Limbaugh's capacity to make sense or Ann Coulter's ability to be kind.]

What to do? This is the first time I have an agent to bounce ideas off of, and she loves when I ask for advice. [If I call her one more time, she said she'd take a restraining order out against me.] Her suggestion for me to do what I think is best and to trust my creative process is nonsensical. Doesn't she realize that by "advice" I mean for her to tell me exactly what to do as if I was three years old? That I need her to pretty much write the book for me? [For the love of all that is sane in this world, don't they teach this stuff in agenting school?]

I love the winter Olympics - A LOT - but now they're over - AGAIN. I look forward to them with heart-thumping anticipation every four years, and then they turn their back on me and walk away, just like Timmy Preston did in 8th grade. [Eff you, Timmy Preston!] Why can't they continue until the next one begins? Would that be too much to ask? [Too much to ask - you mean like expecting nice folks to trudge through these delusional SUBLIMINAL MONDAYS posts? Then, yes, it's WAY too much to ask.]

Here's my Olympic Review: The snowboarding was mind-blowing, downhill was death-defying, short-track was thrilling, and the figure skating was sublime. That's pretty much all I can say, since there were some sports I didn't watch or simply don't "get," but I won't mention them here since that shows little or no class, and I'm all about the class. [Curling, biathalon, cross-country.]

So, now, I can't believe I have to wait another four, long, depressing, unforgiving, irreverent, never-ending, menacing, hypnotic, psychotic, erotic [a girl can dream, can't she?] years before the next winter Olympics begin. Would it really be too much to ask to simply have them every year, or every month, or every other Sunday? [For those of you who are still reading I have two questions. 1) Why are you still reading? Don't you have a life? and, 2) Don't you agree? Wouldn't it make more sense to have the Olympics every other Sunday? Okay, that's four questions and this is not a Passover Seder, but I'm hoping you get the point.]

And, I'm sure most of you know Canada won the gold in hockey. Standing on the podium receiving their silver medals, Team USA looked like their moms had collectively been hit by a bus. I tweeted about how these athletes are role models and their unsportsmanlike behavior effects kids all over the world [blah, blah, blah]. Many agreed with me, but some [crazy, insane losers] did not. Those who disagreed, thought the players were only expressing their feelings "in the moment" - that it was a devastating loss and they, being macho hockey players, were seriously pissed off. [Poor, little professional hockey players who make millions of dollars every year doing what they love. So sad, that.] My take is this: these guys are NFL players. They can handle loss. Don't we teach our kids, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game?" AND.....a silver medal is SO not losing!!!! [Unless you come in second in say, a city-wide speech competition in say, Denver, in say, 1992, that you're sure you'd win, then second place seriously sucks. I mean, theoretically speaking.]

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with those crazy, insane losers or are you sane and agree with me? [If you agree with them, you've just joined The Crazy Insane Losers Club. Kidding. Not really. Sort of. Okay, not at all. Maybe a little.]
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